The hardest thing

One of the hardest things I've had to do as a mother is to send my kids off to their father's house every other weekend. This is fairly new, as it's only the fourth weekend we've done it. I usually drop them off Friday nights and pick them up around dinner time on Sunday, but I did a Saturday morning drop off because his oldest daughter was sick Friday.

It's not easy for me, though. I admitt, I do kind of like the alone time, and I get to spend adult time with my boyfriend and get things done. Having said that, I miss them like crazy while their gone. They seem to handle it really well, and that actually makes it even harder for me. I don't think they spend TOO much time missing me, since at their dad's they have the Wii, the computer, and they're allowed to watch things I'd never let them watch, like Spongebob (parenting differences is a topic I plan on covering in depth in the future).

I feel a sense of competition sometimes, which I know I shouldn't. He is the fun dad, and they have a blast over there. I am the mom that disciplines, has rules, and provides the structure in their life. I know what I do is important, but it leaves me wondering if it'll make them somehow love me less. I know that sounds silly, but it's how I feel sometimes.

I send them over there because they need to spend the time with their father and older sister. I send them off every other weekend for them, because it's what I'm supposed to do, but the truth is, I have a huge hole in my heart for those two days.

How about you? Any single mommas out there feel any of this when you send the kid(s) to their dad's house?